The Awful Present

As
a kid, we all had that one really bad relative. Whether he/she came
drunk to the family reunion and went 1-1 punch-the-fuck-out of grandmamy
(and getting their ass kicked :1) or gave us that one expirience that
resulted in mom or dad to not let us see them anymore. Anyway, if you
were lucky enough to not have these experiences, or if you do I give
no shit, we all agree, they give us the cheapest ass presents that they
probably saw for 10 bucks (american money...its on you to do the math for other currency)
at their drugstore.
 My mom's brother's family is really fucked up. His wife is a, "bootie
licous whore" in which 3 of my friends, "parked" with her, and my uncle
is a bum so they can't afford much.So for my 17th birthday I didn't expect a big box, and it was a
HUGE box. I usually get a card with a monkey toying with his penis or
something and a couple of pennies (or maybe a quarter, but only if daddy
spent 5 minutes in heaven with my aunt while mom went out to get my
cake). So I opened up this box expecting just to be an empty box with a
drawn fuck you writing in red crayon (hopefully with the crayon in it)
but it was a video game console! Now I am not the biggest video game
console nerd, but I never heard of the, "Shitbox 4." Instead of going
into a temper tantrum
Fuck-you-rage-mode-in-your-face-spidermonkey-mountain dew-hype, I said
thanks with a sorta regret for even coming out of my mom's uteras....or
vagina...wtf eva lol.
After the party, I decided to go to my room and test this mofo out. I
opened the card-board box and found the console was not even secure.
Cheap asian bastards, that is why they lost the spainish-american war to
Chuck Norris riding on the back of a fucking Charizard. Anyway their was a white peace
of paper, which said that, "You sir (no woman would play video games)
look like a gentlemen that could very well enjoy this console, it plays
all of your favorite console games." I was surprised but very curious.
So I put in my new Call of Dry, overused addition I got from my dad's
brother (he is also a bum, so he fingered my mom on the way to the store
to get my cake for money to get the game.) and it had its, "Infinity
Virgin" developer logo, the ones that made the game. So the console was
not wrong, must have been the Australian Asians. The game's title
screen pops up and so I press start on a banana controller (surprisingly
more comfy then N64's controller) and went to fuck up a 4-5 year olds
day online when, all of a sudden, a mario head popped up going, "I
wouldn't do that if I was you muthafucka" (his shitty italian
high-pitched voice that is SOOO racist, that is one of two things I
hate, Racist stereotyping and asians....). I couldn't go back because
the B button wouldn't go back, it just made Mario cuss me out even
worse. One press, "I wouldn't do that again dipshit" I pressed it again,
"You dumb mutha' Fucka!! I double dare you again" I flipped off Mario
(or my tv screen) and gave one more time at pressing the b button. This
next part gets messy. Mario goes, "ZULE MUTHA FUCKA!!!!" and he opened
his mouth and a cursor was on screen and clicked inside his mouth,
puking all over me and my room. Bottom line; Still better than X-box
One though
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